Signs to look out for
- Money disappears or bills go unpaid without a clear explanation.
- Requests to borrow money, or new loans and credit you did not know about.
- Secrecy around the phone, bank accounts or post.
- Long hours online, often late at night.
- Mood swings linked to winning and losing.
How to talk about it
Choose a calm moment, not right after a loss or an argument. Describe what you have noticed and how it affects you, rather than labelling the person. Ask questions and listen. Expect denial at first; the first conversation rarely solves everything, but it shows that the subject can be discussed.
Suggest concrete steps the person can take: calling a helpline, self-excluding, installing a blocker or blocking gambling payments at the bank.
Protect your own finances
- Keep your money in an account the other person cannot access.
- Do not pay gambling debts without a plan; it can keep the cycle going.
- Do not lend money for gambling, even to 'win it back'.
- Check whether loans or credit have been taken out in your name.
- Get free debt advice if household finances are already affected.
Practical money safeguards
Separate essential accounts
Keep money for rent, bills and food in an account the person who gambles cannot access.
Do not take on their debts
Avoid co-signing loans or paying debts without advice; it can make the situation harder for both of you.
Get advice for yourself
Debt advice services and helplines also help family members, not only the person who gambles.
What you can and cannot do
National self-exclusion schemes are personal. In Denmark, for example, you can only register yourself in ROFUS. In Sweden, a legal guardian can exclude the person they represent from gambling through Spelpaus.se. Otherwise, the decision to self-exclude belongs to the player.
Support for you
Helplines support relatives as well as players, and you can contact them without the player knowing: Peluuri in Finland runs an online group for significant others, Stödlinjen in Sweden is for players and relatives, Hjelpelinjen in Norway welcomes family and friends, and StopSpillet in Denmark can be contacted by relatives. In the UK, the National Gambling Helpline supports families too.
Questions and answers
Can I self-exclude my partner or relative?
Generally no. Self-exclusion is personal. In Sweden a legal guardian can exclude the person they represent via Spelpaus.se.
Should I pay off their gambling debts?
Not without a plan. Paying debts can relieve pressure but also keep gambling going. Talk to a helpline or debt adviser first.
Can I call a helpline without the player knowing?
Yes. Helplines support relatives in their own right and treat contacts confidentially.
Sources
Spelinspektionen — Spelpaus.se (guardians)
borger.dk — ROFUS and help for relatives